UNTOLD PAINS…

It has been decades after we got independence from colonialism, but when are we going to be liberated from the evil culture of dowry and domestic harassment of women in the name of marriage?

Few days back there happened a cruel incident in Tamil Nadu, which was a pinnacle of barbarism. A newly wed woman just after 78 days after her marriage committed suicide because of dowry and sexual torture of her husband.

It might seem like it is purely because of the psychological disposition of the woman and she could have stayed brave. But we need to dig deeper into the root cause to actually put a full stop to these issues.

Lets start from the very beginning of how a child is brought up. A girl child is always taught to accept pain and sufferings and made to believe that her ideal goal in life is to get married and live up to the expectations of her in laws and the society. A little deviation could put her under the banner of an arrogant and self-centered woman who doesn’t respect the feelings of others and portray that her life has altogether gone unsuccessful.

On the contrary, a male child is always taught to be brave, assuring his self respect at any cost, even at the cost of the suffering of a woman. They are naturally trained in such a way that when getting married, a woman becomes his possession and meant to take care of him mentally and physically (not realising that she has a personna of her own or has feelings just like any other species in this world).

The little instances at home which might seem very normal in Indian households, like making a girl wash utensils or cook and the boy being restricted to do even the mundane chores gets deeply imbibed into their minds and with repeated reinforcement both from the family and society, hardens the root yet more stronger.

This gets manifested at many instances in schools, colleges, workplace, public places and more predominantly in the marriage.

In a marriage where both the man and the woman have equal responsibility and rights, it is still made to believe that women has to give in much more of her energy, time and willpower to make it sustaining. The society’s appraisal of women who tolerate her husband despite he being the most sadist person, makes a woman believe that she must live up to that standards.

This makes women silent in speaking up for her rights and interests and bury her dreams for the sake of her family’s welfare.

It is in these complex circumstances, parenting plays a huge role. Should not the parents train and support their girl children face any challenges in life? Shouldn’t they teach their male children that woman has to be respected both mentally and physically? Shouldn’t they understand that asking for dowry is no less than begging?

They must inculcate in a child that when something goes wrong, they are always there to protect and embrace their child. Life doesn’t always go well, there would come times where the situations are totally out of control and we in no way are responsible to it. Teach their children that every life in this world has its own value and dignity that is not meant to be disturbed. Respecting others boundaries, despite the intensity of relationship becomes prima facie at all times.

The glorification of conservative rituals in marriages and the showcase of wealth is no way going to sustain the relationship. It is only the mutual efforts and respect that matters. Asking for dowry in marriages should be treated a stigma and be eradicated just like how sati was abolished from the Indian society. Parents of girl children should be firm enough to resist these practices and give their child, a moral support during the critical times and provide her with education that would keep her financially independent even if nothing goes right.

Every women has her own bodily rights that must be respected and in no way can it be touched without her consent (wholeheartedly).

When something doesn’t work in a marriage, despite all the efforts put in. There should be a mental courage for a woman to opt out of that relationship. Afterall, we just live once and it is not to dwell in sorrows and untold pains rather it is for living a meaningful one that would benefit others and us as well. There is nothing shame in accepting that the marriage didn’t go well because somethings in life are just to teach us rather than to stay with us.

I am writing this post with a heavy heart and wish that nobody goes through these mental traumas and no more dowry deaths…